International Association of Hospice and Palliative Care Book of the Month
"Bette Kelly was a strong swimmer and regarded the use of swimming noodles (the strap-on Styrofoam buoyancy devices) as ‘ridiculous’. But when she was diagnosed with lung cancer metastatic to her brain, she realised that she would need a lot of help and support in her endeavour to stay at home and avoid being hospitalised. The task of being her noodle fell to her daughter, Lois, a marketing consultant who admits she had no training whatsoever for a job she never wanted.
"This wonderful book is a collection of 50 short anecdotes from the time she was looking after her mother, each ending with a caregiver lesson. Written from both the heart and the head, I think this book would provide great support and comfort to anyone who found themselves being the caregiver to a relative or friend who is dying. My favourites? I think ‘Tea but no sympathy,’ which is about the ridiculous things friends and relatives say to someone who is dying, and ‘Five things that really piss-off caregivers’, which speaks for itself."
Dr. Roger Woodruff, International Association of Hospice and Palliative Care, author, "Palliative Medicine"
“I can recall a woman whose body was scarred by her cancer treatment writing a poem about her experience, "I see myself through my husband's eyes. The eyes of a native who overlooks things that only a tourist would notice."
Be the Noodle is a book written by a native. It combines and expresses the wisdom of the head and the heart in a way that will help any caregiver no matter what problem they are confronting.I have experienced all that Lois Kelly writes about on a personal and professional level and her short, easily understood lessons are a gift to us all.
She offers us the opportunity to learn from her experience, and not our mistakes,and realize that though we cannot cure or fix everything we can still care for everyone. People don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Bernie Siegel, MD, author, “Faith, Hope & Healing” and “Help Me To Heal”
"Be The Noodle is a lifeboat for those caring for anyone in the last stages of life. Its supplies are plentiful and sustaining: wit, tenderness, generosity, searing clarity and above all compassion.
By the end of it's pages you will not only know how to navigate the storms of illness, you will have uncovered a profound treasure. In caring for the dying we can become larger that we have ever imagined and return to life knowing, perhaps for the first time, how to live it well."
Maria Sirois, Psy.D., author, “Every Day Counts: Lessons in Love, Faith and Resilience from Children Facing Illness”
"Lois Kelly has captured the ups and down of caring for a loved one with great humor and wisdom. Her insightful ways to be helpful -- all 50 of them -- are well worth knowing and embracing. This book should be in the hands of every caregiver -- and who isn't a caregiver at some point?"
The Rev. Paige Fisher, associate rector for pastoral care, Trinity Church Copley Square
"The New Bible on Caregiving: Lois Kelly has done the impossible: she has written her way through one of the most crucial periods in each of our lives - the modus exodus - and her writings are not only excellent in a technical sense, but they are also full of compassion - for both the person exiting life and the one left to tend to that ext and beyond. This is one of those books that can (and should) be read on several levels. It is a superb set of directions for providing a dignified manner of dying while maintaining the sanity of the caregiver. It is an hilarious dialogue about all of those inappropriate things people do in and around dying people. It is a reinforcing guide for those who are placed in the role of caregiver. And it is a model of intelligent and compassionate philosophy about the full cycle of life.
Grady Harp, Top 10 Reviewer, Amazon
"Lois Kelly focuses on the important in this short, pithy, well-written and extremely readable little book. It will be cherished by anyone faced with caring for a loved one through the final days of a lingering death...It is cheerful, uplifting and inspiring...Highly recommended for anyone in a care giving situation, or as a gift for someone you know who is a loving caregiver or will someday become one." Read more of review at Tutu's Two Cents
"Lois Kelly has written a book that every caregiver should be given. From dealing with guests that stay too long, unhelpful family members and all that banana bread, she has you covered. From the serious to the silly, she bares all....Kelly has throws back the curtain with fifty bite-sized tidbits that will have you laughing one minute and becoming misty eyed the next." Read more at A Blog of Books
"This book is a treasure filled with tidbits of humor, wisdom and compassion. Read this book ... you won't regret it. MY RATING - 5 out of 5." Read more at Along the Way
" My Rating: A. This small and intimate book is the perfect companion for someone in the job of caregiver. These lessons are not healthcare related. They are lessons in how to cope, how to survive and how to handle those people who want to help, but actually drag the loved one down. The lessons are also about making that time the best possible for the loved one." Read more at JoyfullyRetired.com
"Let me tell you, even though this book deals with death, it is actually a very empowering book. It brings to light situations we may all face when dealing with a loved one who is dying. Sometimes, when we have a glimpse of things that may occur, it doesn't seem as scary. It can give us the tools, ahead of time, that we will need to make things easier. This book is probably the most important tool you will need. I give this book a 5 out of 5. You will want this resource on you shelf, you will gain so much."
Book Reviews & Life blog
From Readers
"My father has terminal prostate cancer that is now in his bones and lymph nodes, and a friend suggested I read your book. I thought it was great! Your mother reminds me alot of my father, especially in regard to wanting to maintain her quality of life at the end. I lost my sister Robin to breast cancer ten years ago after she lived with it for ten years, and so many of the situations you discuss are so familiar to me. Robin had a friend at the time who was also living with cancer, and they said they were going to write a book about the incredibly stupid things people would say to them. (Apparently I was one of those people, although to this day I will deny it!)
"Your book is right on in its advice, observations, and suggestions. I think it should be a required reading for everyone to shed light on how to deal not only with the person who is dying, but almost more importantly with the caregivers. "Let me know how I can help" - why not let the caregiver know what you will do on your own, without being asked. "I'm sorry for your loss" - how many times have I said that at a wake? I will no longer use that phrase. "Banana bread overflowing out of your freezer" - when my sister died I couldn't fit all the lasagnas that people brought over into my freezer! So...I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your book." From Sue in Massachusetts
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"I read "Be the Noodle" and immediately started to feel better. It's just such a unique book, because it is the only one I've come across that feels REAL It isn't preachy or full of cheesy metaphors comparing tears to oceans or grief to stormy skies. It's perfect. It actually is SO CLOSE to my mother's care-giving experience that its creepy.
"Basically, thank you. thank you. Thank you so much for at least temporarily allowing me to get a little of my peace of mind back. I don't doubt that ill have another wallowing slump, and another, and then another, and then I'll be fine, and then I'll wallow again, etc. but for today, I feel better." From an Auburn college student whose father is dying of cancer
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"Your book is especially sweet and meaningful! Each of your experiences is a truth I have gone through each time I was priviliged to witness deaths. As you say in lesson #43, there is no greater way to show our love than to help someone we love die"! This is the most spiritual experience I can have while on this earth!" A hospice volunteer in Illinois
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I want to thank you for writing Be The Noodle. Your ability to make me laugh out loud, cry and re-think some of my past actions and future steps was wonderful! My oldest sister has cancer and was given less than a year to live. Since reading your book I have already changed the way I interact with my sister. Instead of only allowing her to talk about gloom and doom when I feel ready (which is never) I am going with her cues."
